Monday, December 20, 2010

My Life is An Oprah Episode - It's in his kiss !

Okay, we call it love, but, scientists call it philematology.  And, its in the kiss.  And, like the Shoop, Shoop, Shoop song recorded by Cher, It's in his kiss.  No really. It is.  I've tested this numerous times over the years and it one of the things in life I am sure about.

So, how come?  “Kissing is a mechanism for mate choice and mate assessment,” says Helen Fisher, a Biological Anthropologist from Rutgers University..  Hmmm....I don't usually think about a mate choice when I'm being kissed, at least not at first.  But, I can tell you with great certainty, that if the kiss does not feel right (good), I'm outta there!  Mate assessment, I guess.

 The first boy I kissed was Peter Hill.  I don't think I was more the seven (7) and my friends watched as I got on top of him and planted one.  What I remember was pressing my mouth on his for about three (3) seconds and that was it.   By the age of twelve (12) I had my first real "make-out" session with Benny Cottiletto in the Tunnel of Love at an amusement park (actually it was called "Ye Olde Mill").  Again, just lips pressing together with no movement.  I that all there is?   I tried not to panic.  What is all the fuss about kissing, and making out?  After all, I had played "spin the bottle" many times; still, no real satisfaction.  Finally, at the age of thirteen (13), and after my eight grade prom, Marty Dulin pulled me into the coat room upstairs and asked me out.  When I said yes, he pulled me close and kissed me with great passion -- well, as much as a thirteen year old can muster.  It was better than earlier kisses, but, still I wasn't crazy about it, so I broke off with him before another kiss took place. 

So what’s all the making out about?   It is about true love?  No, it really is just about chemistry.  The unexplainable ingredient which defines many relationships.  Aside from the earlier kissing experiences, by the time I was sixteen (16), I understood what real kissing was about.  I did not have a name for it then, but, it was chemistry.

My first real love was Ronnie Greene, and we started going out in the summer just before I started junior year in high school.  Even though I had other boyfriends before Ronnie, and I had made-out with most of them, no one kissed me in a way that kept me coming back for more.  There was tongue, and long, lingering mouth on mouth sessions.  Ronnie was a year older than me, and he had already had sexual experiences.  We were together for about two (2) years (off and on), and I don't think I kissed anyone more than Ronnie.  We almost had sex on New Year's Eve of my senior year, but, we were interrupted by his brother.  Back to kissing only for a while.  The prom held out promise, but, Ronnie was in the hospital with mononucleosis just two days earlier.  He had the kissing disease?  I was jinxed.  I finally did lose my virginity to Ronnie, and when he went into the Army, I found someone else to kiss.  They say you never forget your first love, and that may be true.  For me, I never forgot the first great kisser. After years of  relationships, it has been the same for me.  If the kiss isn't right, it doesn't work.

Several years ago, I was getting together with someone I had been friends with for many years.  He had been divorced for a while, and we had gone out many times while I was still living in NY...mostly lunches, dinners, tennis matches and other sporting events.  He had come down to Raleigh to visit me because he wanted to try "dating" me, and take our relationship to a new level.  I liked him a lot; we got along great, he had a lot to offer as he had a solid career, made a lot of money, was attractive and funny.  I picked him up at the airport and he gave me a quick hug and kiss on the cheek.  So far, so good.  I dropped him off at his hotel and went upstairs with him so he could change for dinner.  When we got into his room, he turned to me, grabbed me,  pulled me close, and kissed me.  Buzz kill.  I had better kisses from my cat.  Nothing. Nada.   I was in trauma.  Quickly, I told him I was starving and needed to be fed.  All through dinner I kept figuring out a way to not kiss him again.  I knew I was letting go someone special, but, the chemistry just wasn't there.  I let him down easy by saying I was still involved with someone else, and preferred to wait until I was free of the other person before pursuing another relationship.  As the scientists put it, saliva  is a chemical cocktail, and lots of hormones are in it.  He didn't have the right stuff.  Is that too shallow?  I needed the kiss to be great.

Anyone who says kissing isn't what it is all cracked up to be, is either lying, or just doesn't know any better. I won't be with anyone who doesn't get my juices flowing. (loose termination).  Is there a certain technique?  Do you know most people turn their heads to the right just before the kiss?  I like music in the background, soft lighting, or candles.  Who am I kidding?  I like it even with my back pressed up against a wall in bright daylight -- if the chemistry is there; being taken by surprise.   Yes, I like to be kissed.  And, I think it is a chick thing, because men have admitted to me that they would still have sex with a bad kisser.  I can't imagine making love without kissing.

Does he love me, I wanna know 
How can I tell if he loves me so?
  (Is it in his eyes) - Oh no, you'll be deceived
        (Is it in his eyes) - Oh no, he'll make believe
        If you wanna know if he loves you so
        It's in his kiss - (that's where it is), oh yeah
(the original Shoop Shoop Shoop song recorded by Betty Everett.
 Sorry, Ronnie...found another great kisser!

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