Tuesday, October 18, 2011

My Life is An Oprah Episode - Do Opposites Attract? Being Who We Are

Before I get into the core of my blog, because it is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I want to take a moment to remember, honor and appreciate those who have battled Breast Cancer.  My thoughts, prayers and good wishes are being sent to :  my friends who are survivors or currently in their fight, and in remission; a family member who is a two time survivor;  to my close friend and colleague, Kim, who lost her battle a couple of years ago; and to my friend who also lost his mother when time, or lack of it, became the enemy.  We will be Warriors with hope.

Many of us know individuals who are in a relationship where we are convinced that they are total opposites and wonder how they got together or even stay together.  Do I believe opposites attract?  I think that is not the real question and has nothing to do with anything. What some may see as flaws in a person, I think it is not accepting the person for who they are, so the assumption is that they are opposites.  And, for any relationship to work, we have to be who we truly are.

As I discussed in any earlier entry, we really can not identify what makes someone attractive to another.What makes us fall in love?  It can be purely a physical thing....and that has its place.  Yes, it is chemistry for sure, and that has been scientifically proven.  What makes us attractive to someone's soul?  The spiritual side of me believes the connection is non-physical , but that does not necessarily lead to love.  The components of love is so complex, it is no small wonder it's difficult to define.  I still believe that a connection with someone is made from the beginning....the first meeting, but that things going on in a person's life often get in the way of solidifying that connection.  It's the external happenings that either explore the connection, or hold us back. Sometimes being referred to as being on "the same page" with a person we are interested in, is merely external forces dictating the relationship flow.

Opposites and non-opposites attract each other.  The test is keeping the connection, or the relationship moving and growing.  What may seem like opposition may be a sense that one person is no longer tolerating what they once thought was their attraction in that person.  Being in a relationship with a high-powered corporate executive, who traveled around the world, making lots of money, may attract someone who barely leaves the house and just gets by.  The excitement, or the attraction probably would be electric in the beginning, partially because it may seem like each would balance each other from one end of the spectrum to another, but, in reality, most likely, the novelty would probably wear off.  Because, if one person is so busy traveling, the other is at home, boredom sets in for one of them, while the other is too busy to notice.  It is not that they are opposite, but, external forces are in play.  The don't get to be on the same page.   And, if they were in love, they seem to not focus on that, and communicating seems impossible.

For me,what my issue has been, is that when I have been in love with someone, I lose myself. So the person someone fell in love with, went away.  Compromise is a good thing, but, I have found, in the past, that I became only a version of myself, and that I don't compromise, I have surrendered.   It comes from a place of fear.  Fear that I won't always be good enough, or that if I am too much myself, I won't be liked.  It's crazy, and I have continued to work on this.  I have always spoken my mind, but, when I have been in love, or in serious like, I have held back.  And, I know that the key to change, is letting go of fear.  My head knows that; I am training my heart.

"Love makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place." - Zora Neale Hurston

Learning to love my flaws has been challenging.  So, take me as I am, or don't take me, as the saying goes!